Recalled Memories
by Mamoritai
Summary: Under R E C O N S T R U C T I O N. Memories are a complicated thing. They can change the color of something, its shape... Or someone's whole world. - Laven, AU, Character death.


_A red haired teen sat watching the sunset, the golden hues reflecting off the ocean water and hitting his face in just a way that, from behind, made him look like an angel of fire. Two pale arms wrapped themselves around the toned neck and a face nudged its way to the nape of his neck._

"_Allen?"_

"_Hmm, yes, Lavi?"_

_There was a hesitant pause, before the taller male turned his head back to see the white haired boy. Lips brushed against each other, in just the way that all the overflowing emotions were told._

"_I love you, Allen Walker."_

_A soft smile graced itself on the pale, pink lips._

"_I love you too, Lavi Bookman."_

…Why are you doing this to me…?

"_Uhmm… Lavi? What are you _doing?_" Silver eyes gazed down at the single green one, a nervous, yet excited bite of the lip. An audible gasp was heard when the red haired male pulled out a black velvet box that was only big enough for…_

"_You're my everything, Allen Walker. I want to spend the rest of my life with you." The box was opened to inside, held one of the most beautiful rings Allen Walker had ever had the chance to lay eyes on. "Will you marry me?"_

"_Oh, god, Lavi! Yes!"_

… Stop it already…

"_Will you, Lavi Bookman, take Allen Walker, in sickness and in health, in rich or in poor, no matter how much he may eat away your wallet-" Soft laughs were heard amongst the crowd, the fact of Allen's enormous appetite not being much of a secret. "- and to hold him and to cherish him, to pledge your full faith, trust, and love, in holy matrimony for as long as you both shall live?"_

"_I do," A soft grin was on the Bookman's face, his one green eye sparkling with unconditional, undying love for the man that was standing in front of him._

"_Then, will you, Allen Walker, take Lavi Bookman, in sickness and in health, in rich or in poor, no matter how often he'll refuse to do the dishes," The green eye blinked, flickering to the pastor, who happened to be one of their close friends, Komui Lee, before going back to the white haired angel infront of him. He raised a brow in questioning, receiving a giggle in response. "And to hold him and to cherish him, to pledge your full faith, trust, and love, in holy matrimony for as long as you both shall live?"_

"_I do," It was those last, simple two words that sealed them together._

"_Then by the power vested in the Black Order Church, I now pronounce you man and husband." Butterflies fluttered through the two male's stomachs, "You may now kiss the groom."_

_Cheers erupted from the audience as the newlyweds shared their first kiss._

… Why…?

"_Hey, Allen!" A red headed male called out, dropping a box that was filled with various things onto the floor, next to all the other boxes. A white tuff of hair poked itself out from around the corner._

"_Hmm?" Silver eyes blinked with curiosity, a single hand placing itself on the corner. A silver ring adorned it, the small ring of diamonds glittering in the light of the rising sun. A soft, loving smile pulled at the taller male's lips as he strode over to his husband, suddenly pulling him in his grasp. They shared a loving kiss, Allen being pulled closer to Lavi as it slowly deepened._

"_Can we try for children?" He murmured into the younger's ear, receiving a blush and weak slap on the arm._

"_Lavi!" _

_Said male snickered, pulling the shorter male closer if possible. "Yeah, yeah. 'I'm a guy, and guys don't get pregnant.' I know. But what's a guy to do? I just wanna see little me's running around…"_

… What did I do…?

_Sirens blared all around, colors of red and blue flashing everywhere. Bystanders stared in horror and shock, wide eyes on the scene before them. One particular bystander stood out from the rest. If it wasn't for the fact that a few people said they saw them together, the eye-patched male would have been left standing there in shock, staring down at the blood that was splattered all over the snow._

"_.. ir… Sir, hello, sir?" The voice caused the male to snap out of it, but the numb, shocked feeling only quickly replaced itself with one of dread, fear, and worry._

"_Allen! Where's Allen?!" He cried, his hands pressing themselves to the officer's shoulders. Tears threatened his vision, and every time he blinked new ones came. "Where is he…?" It was a whisper now, his voice losing all of its volume from the shock._

… Please…

_A door burst open, a female rushing in followed by a taller male following close behind. It didn't take them long to find their long-time friends, but the sight they saw was not something neither of them were expecting. There, in the middle of the stark white room, sat Lavi, his eyes never leaving what was in front of him. His hand was holding a pale one, and what made the sight worse was the wedding bands that shimmered together._

"_Oh my god…" The female whispered, her hand covering her mouth as tears almost instantly started to stream down her cheeks. A hand squeezed her shoulder, the male's silent way of sharing the shock and pain._

_What lay in the bed was a sight that should never have happened. There, right before their eyes, was a boy. What used to be white hair was now stained pink in some places from the blood. Bandages ran across his face, neck… arms… body… everywhere… different wires and tubes were going every which way from the body. _

_When the dark eyes of the new arrivals were finally able to peal themselves from the heart breaking scene, they moved to the red haired male._

"_What… happened?"_

… Stop it already! I can't take it anymore…

"_Allen, stop it… I said _stop!_" Arms, for the fourth time, pushed away prowling hands. "You're still recovering, please…" This time, the voice was softer, and the look in Lavi's eye was heart breaking. Every raw emotion showed in the single, green orb. The male had just gone through hell and back. He still couldn't believe that Allen was right there, alive and breathing on his own. _

_What was now referred to as "The Accident" was still clear in the redhead's mind. Even if it happened almost a full year ago, it was still only the first day that his beloved husband was home again. "Lavi, I'm fine…" A bandaged hand lifted itself to touch the wet cheek, whipping away the tears._

"_Oh, God, Allen…" Said male was pulled into a tight embrace by the trembling Lavi. "I thought I'd never see you here again… _Allen…"

"_Shh, shh…. I'm here, Lavi… Don't worry; I'm not leaving anytime soon, even when you're sick of me." A sad smile tugged at his lips as he said the words, a tear of his own falling down his cheek. _If only that were true…

Fine! Just… just kill me already..!

_Going to the hospital every Saturday became a daily occurrence for the wedded couple. Ever since The Accident, Allen had to come in weekly for his check up, to see if all of his remaining wounds were healing properly. But today, they were looking up. Today was the day that they wouldn't have to see a single hospital for a whole month. But only if Allen checked out alright._

"_Mr. Bookman's." All of the nurses in the west wing knew them by now, but it was really only Allen that was able to remember all of their names (being that he was in this exact hospital for a year). _

_One nurse in particular came up to them, ushering them to a private room down the hall. "Dr. Lee will be with you shortly." The blonde said with a smile, leaving the patient clip board on the desk for the doctor._

_Lavi's Bookman curiosity got the better of him, though, and he went right for the clip board the second the door was closed. _

_What he read, was something that made him wish that this was just all one, big, nightmare._

… I… I give up…

"_You can just give him my heart!"_

"_Sir, you're heart doesn't-"_

"_I don't care! He needs a new heart right?!"_

"_But sir, your husband won't survive past 12 hours with an incompatible heart. We've been looking for donors across the states but…" The words started to fade away from the mortified husband. His whole world came crashing down on that night… and ever since then, every things been nothing but a horrible mess._

_Life just takes his hope and strips it away slowly._

C-can anyone hear me…?

_**Patient: Allen Bookman-Walker**_

_**Age: 23**_

_**Time of Death: 1:14 in the noon.**_

_**Date of Death: December 24**__**th**__**, 2009**_

_**Cause of Death: Cardiac Arrest during a heart transplant**_

_**Notification List: Lavi Bookman (Spouse), Marian Cross (Guardian), Lenalee Kanda (Family Friend), Yuu Kanda (Family Friend)**_

_Lavi stared at the paper, disbelief causing him to read it over… and over… and over again. And he still didn't believe it, even when Allen lay pale and lifeless next to him. He had been given permission to view the body in the morgue, along with his best friend, Yuu, for support. _

"_No… this is a joke right…?"_

_But no one said otherwise._

Street lights flashed in the dead of night, threatening the passer bys with darkness. Snow coated the ground in thick sheets of white, and looking up at the sky; it was only going to get thicker. With a sigh, I stopped in front of one of those flickering street lamps. I leaned back on one, letting my gaze lift to the heavens. It was nights like these that would make me recall all of those painful memories of three years ago. _Yes, it's been three years ago today… _

A sad smile graced my lips as I pushed a cigarette between them. I inhaled the smoke with a sense of relief before letting it back out. _Even after all this time, I'm still not over it. Jeez, Allen, I really hope you're getting a kick out of this up there._

I didn't believe in heaven, or hell, or even god for that matter, but Allen does. He was the one that wanted to get married at the church, against my wishes. Allen isn't an overly religious boy, but he still always wanted to stay "with god," or some bull-crap like that.

I noticed it then, I was still using pretense whenever I thought of him. I hated to think he was, well, a was. To me, he is, and always will be, an is. Allen Bookman-Walker is one person I could never forget.

With yet another sigh, I pulled the lit stick out of my mouth, tapping it and letting the ashes fall into the snow. Smoking was a habit I picked up after the funeral, when Yuu decided I needed a night out, claiming _"Moyashi would want you happy, you fucking rabbit."_ I had met a guy named Tyki Mikk. Strange guy, to say the least; but the things he did and said were able to make me leave my shell of melancholy, even if it was for a short while.

Since that little bar trip, I'd seen this Tyki fellow only a handful of times. The thing that bothered me the most about him was that he continuously tried to get in my pants, after clearly showing him the band on my finger.

I am committed to Allen, and no one else.

Now, I stood staring down at the dark road, cars flying by below me. I was at the top of a ten story building, and directly below, save for the snow, was hard concrete. _If I just took a running jump, I could make it to the streets… _I closed my eyes, taking in the crisp, cold night air. _No… I can't. I'm not finished yet. _

I slipped down into a sitting position on the roof top, letting my feet dangle off the side. I dropped my third cigarette of the night into the parade of cars, not caring where it disappeared to. The whole in my heart wouldn't let me care anymore.

Sitting in one place for hours could do a lot to someone like me. I've always had the tenancy to be observant, even with the smallest of things. Then I had the tendancy to over think things, to say _"what if?" _

What if that woman over there was alone?

What if that mugger had gone after that could-have-been-alone woman?

What if the lights on the street went out?

What if… Allen was here? _Sitting next to me, telling me how he couldn't wait to get home to have a Christmas Eve dinner…_

Pain gripped at my heart, threatening to let it implode. I looked up at the cleared night, allowing a single tear to stream down my cheek.

_I'll be right there, baby…_

The screech of tires was the last thing I heard.

…

But obviously what you were thinking didn't happen. Down bellow me, a car had jerked to the side in attempts to swerve around the young child that had carelessly flaunted himself into the oncoming traffic. I watched with unfazed thoughts, admitting to myself that in the small, secluded corner of my mind that I wanted to see the kid die. To see the look of horror on the mother's face, to hear the pained cry in the night, the whispers of passerby's and the sound of an ambulance in the distance, too far away to save the child.

_I've turned into such a sadist._

I ran a hand through my hair, pulling at the ends of it so I could just barely see the red flairs. Allen likes my hair this color, in the previous times that I had brought up dying it some other color, he always freaked out on me.

Learned my lesson when he took all the money from my wallet and replaced it with a note saying _"if you need lunch for work, charge Jerry on my account." _In the end, I had not a cent to my name for about a month, and then Allen finally trusted me again.

I started descending down the building via a latter that clung to the side of it. At this point, heights and I weren't friends; just staring down at the ground made me want to throw myself at it. Safely on the ground, my feet started to shuffle in the way of our house. It wasn't until twenty minutes later that I walked in, taking off my coat in the process and hanging it on the rack.

"I'm home." I called out into the dark house, walking to the only light that was on in the living room.

A white tuff of hair turned and looked up at me with its silver eyes. I smiled back at it, leaning down to kiss the top of its head. "Welcome home, how was your day?"The all too familiar voice murmured, his voice soft and caring. "You stayed out longer than usual."

I dropped down on the couch next to him, looking at the muted TV that was turned on to the news. I didn't say anything, nor did I look to my side. I was scared he would disappear and never return again.

"… There… was a car crash in Down Town. No one was harmed, but it must have been traumatic for the kid." I looked over this time, hiding my fear with a smile.

Nodding, I pulled him closer, not taking my eyes off his and holding him to my chest. It was a protective move, I know, but the memories of the crash before still haunted me. _The fear of losing someone… It's terrible… _I squeezed my eyes shut and pinched the bridge of my nose. _No, stop it._

"Lavi?"

"Hmm?"

"Did something happen today? You seem out of it." I could tell there was a hidden 'like usual' at the end. But I didn't say anything on the subject and just shook my head.

"No, but I saw the crash on my way home." My lips brushed into the soft locks as I spoke, letting my eyes glue themselves to the TV. I closed my eyes and when I opened them again, he was gone. Into thin air. The TV was still on, and the remote at my side. I could hear the sound of the shower, but I knew that it was my mind playing tricks on me and giving an excuse for why my little ghost wasn't here. "Fuck…"

Pulling my knees to my chest, I cradled myself there for what seemed like hours, but was in fact minutes. Nostalgia pulled at my heart strings, leaving me with tears in my eyes. Oh how I missed him.

_Up, Lavi. Get up. _I couched myself up, walking with heavy steps to the bathroom. I pulled the door open, being quiet as to not disturb _him _while he showered. Opening the cabinets, I started to pull out different medicine bottles, not bothering to read the labels.

I froze when I heard my name called, my eyes flickering to the curtains before slowly backing myself out of the steamy room with my prize. Once out, I went to my room and dropped everything on the bed, listening to the pills rattle in the bottles. The noise brought me to reality. Was I really going to go through with this?

Of course.

For my one and only.

I came back into the room moments later with two bottles of beer in my hand and sat on the bed. _Time to start… _ I opened the first bottle and dumped the contents into my mouth.

…

"_Lavi! Lavi, oh my God, LAVI!" I could feel someone shaking me… who? Ugh… my stomach doesn't feel too good…what happened? And why can I smell shampoo…_

…

"_Allen, as it seems, Lavi has been showing signs of…" Who's talking? The voice sounds familiar… is this God? Is this my judgment day? Allen is here, isn't he? God said his name… "… We aren't sure how things are going go at this moment… state is unstable…" Everything is coming to me in clips… what are you saying to him, God? Don't make him cry…_

…

_I can hear someone crying… who is it? Don't cry. It's going to be fine… _

_Why is someone on my stomach? Jeez, don't they know it hurts? God, who is this? I demand thee to tell me!_

"_Allen…" Oh, look, a voice. But it's not God's, it sounds to feminine. Must be an angel. Oh, please do help Allen, if he is the one crying._

"_I know…"_

"_They said he won't be awake for some time… why don't you come get breakfast with me…" No! The angel is trying to take him away from me!_

_I tried to make a noise, but nothing came out. What's going on? God, can you hear me? Don't let the angel take my precious away from me…_

"_I-I… Want to be here when he wakes up…" Thank you, God, for answering my prayers._

_There was a long silence in the room before footsteps started the echo in it then a door shutting._

…

_Beeeeeep. Beeeeep. Beeep. I think I can make a song out of this. Beep-bee-bee-beeeeeep. Lala, beep. Yup, it's gonna make millions. I just know it. _

_But I wonder what that noise is? Does it mean I can see him now? Can I see my Allen?_

… _I guess not._

…

"_Yes, sure. He's been thinking I'm a ghost for years now. You can see it in his eyes… yes, yes… I-… I think so… Oh, God… I just can't believe he did this…"_

**Yes, its supposed to be confusing. I know, I know. If you have any questions, PM me or whatnot. Please review, and helpful criticism is very much welcomed!**


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